A Taste of Cream
by staceleo
Summary: When Swan Organic Creamery is left in Bella's capable hands will she be able to handle the whole farm? Or will she cave when Edward shows up to buy her out? Maybe she'll just let her taste his cream? Throw in her crazy brothers and some wild neighbors as well as farm animals and it should be a fun ride. A collaboration with MidnightLove 87!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is my fun collaboration with my dear friend, MidnightLove87. A big thank you for the amazing Beta skills of Sunflower 3759!**

**This story comes from my jokes and creation of a fictional story banner I made in jest to MidnightLove. She found potential in my crazy.**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 1

It was dark out at a quarter to four in the morning, but it was definitely time to get up and start the day. My trusty rooster alarm clock was crowing up a storm, gently waking me from my peaceful slumber and I needed to get my ass out of bed.

But I was a morning person and I smiled to myself as I threw back Grannie's quilt. I stumbled across the hardwood floor and the organic cotton area rug that I'd proudly made all by myself, all the way to my second favorite cock in the world, my alarm clock cock. Sylous, my real rooster, wouldn't be up and around for a few hours, and while my alarm clock cock was a handsome representation of a rooster, Sylous was just a gorgeous creature. He was also a very proud man, and didn't take shit from anyone. All the hens loved him. But I was his favorite; I knew just how he liked to be stroked while sitting in the sun, and what food he liked best. Besides that, he was an amazing judge of character and preferred to chase my two brothers around and peck at their ankles.

There were so many chores to do and a great farm could not possibly run on good intentions alone. So it was important to get around and get started. That was something my pop had taught me at an early age. I quickly pulled on my organic denim pants and tee shirt, without even showering. There was really no point in showering before milking and feeding the cows. You would just end up needing one at the end of the day anyway. I stunk up the house with the smells of the farm and I was proud of it.

As I passed by the staircase I hollered up to my older brother Emmett to come help me. "Get your lazy ass up, Piggly Wiggly!"

He was my right-hand man, especially after Dad left me Swan Organic Creamery. He was the type that would mindlessly perform tasks without question. He also worked cheap. If you could call eating the farm out of valuable profits cheap, but I loved him just the same, and we made a good team.

"Comin' sis," Em shouted back, probably waking up Jasper in the process, but I wasn't really worried. Jasper was lazier than a slug in the rain, so I wasn't really worried. Besides that, we often split the routine around here. As I was happy to be an early riser, Jasper was not. And as I preferred to dress in clothes for work, as did most people, Jasper otherwise did not. So, with this in mind, we were divided in those views. But he was in agreement that he would do nighttime chores, so he could walk around in his birthday suit. Hey, what could I say, he worked for nothing, too.

I slipped on and laced up my work boots, there was no pussy-footing around with my farm attire. I liked to be comfortable, but practical while I was busy out there.

I flicked on the lights and headed out back to the barn, the sun wouldn't be up for a few hours, but the milk in those beauties out there didn't have the patience to wait for the sun. The cows had a habit of getting loud and nasty if I left them too long. I could imagine that utters filled with milk could be highly uncomfortable. Not to mention, we had bills that needed to be paid, and the milk that they gave us was our bread and butter, no pun intended.

After sidestepping as many cow pies as I could, while making my way to the barn, I got to work. As I was hooking up the ladies to our milking machines, they began mooing and filled the air like a chorus. It was a lovely sound to hear, almost like a chorus of classical music sweeping through the old wooden barn.

While I was hunkered down on Bessy, I began talking with her, something I quite enjoyed. See, animals were perfect, they were like babies. They listened to your problems and gave you constant love and affection. But best of all, they never judged you, nope, never.

The ladies were welcoming and they nurtured me as much, if not more than my own mother had.

"Do you remember when Daddy used to do this, huh babygirl?" I asked cooing at my favorite bovine. She was getting up there in years, but I was hoping that she would be around for a while longer. I'd had enough loss in the past year to last me a lifetime. But I wasn't foolish enough to think that there wouldn't be anymore.

She nuzzled my head and I took that as a yes. Bessy was a precious creature. So sweet, tender and obviously agile, for a cow.

Charlie Swan ran a tight ship at Swan Organic Creamery, but he was still good to his animals. And Bessy, here, was one of his very favorites. He was the best damn farmer I had ever met in my life. I tried to follow his example, but some days it was hard to see that I was doing justice to his hard work.

"Do you miss him, girl?" I wondered, puffing some of my stray hair out of my face.

Again she nuzzled my head, making me nostalgic. I missed my father every day, the hardest was in the mornings when I had the animals to myself, while I waited for Emmett to jerk it, and finally make his way out to the barn. My brother needed a girlfriend or at least, some self-control, that went without saying. And I knew he had his sights set on someone already.

My dad taught me everything I knew, and he was right there while I learned how to run a farm. So, it was no _real_surprise that I was the one he left it to. I mean, it was the logical decision, when his only other choices were someone who despised clothing in general, and the other who preferred physical love over...anything...well, anything other than food.

I tucked my hair back and moved down the line, sucking each specimen dry as I went.

I heard the barn door rattle and I knew without looking up that Emmett had finally made it out.

"Start at the end," I called out, not taking my eyes off of Daisy. "Are you going to be able to control yourself the rest of the morning? We have a busy day ahead of us. I don't need you expressing your self-love by the chicken coop again. You scared the hens. The eggs tasted odd. I blame you."

"Yes ma'am, I'll be fine, I swear it!" In my head I knew he was fake saluting me, and while I probably sounded like a bossy little bitch, I just knew what had to be done. We couldn't make it very far without a product to sell.

When the milking was through and my girls were feasting on their breakfast, I went around getting some of the other animals fed. Emmett and I liked to split the feeding chores. I dealt with the horses, chickens and rabbits, because he really didn't like bunnies at all. While he took care of the goats, pigs and sheep. I was tempted to make him clean the rabbit hutch for making me wait, but I didn't really have time to deal with his overgrown whining and cries.

Then I headed inside to get my breakfast. It was almost eight and I had to admit that my tummy was rumbling.

But unlike Pooh, I couldn't just grab an organic honey pot.

Instead, I reached for some of my very favorite organic coffee, ultra-pure water, and began brewing one of the finest cups o' joe there was in Vermont. I looked longingly out my window over the kitchen sink, while my coffee maker sputtered to life and began pissing out my black gold. If you had to have a vice on a farm, then coffee was the one to have. I wished those no good brothers of mine would follow suit.

The sun was now up and my cock was strutting his stuff; doing his thing to wake the neighbors, as well as the rest of the animals over our almost forty acres.

I sighed and pushed my scone into the toaster oven. I took the Swan Organic Sweet Cream Butter out of the fridge before buttering up my tasty twelve grain scone. I also added some Swan Organic Whole Milk to my perfect cup of heaven. Everything I touched was organic, because it was my fervent belief that the world was going to hell in a hand basket, due to the chemicals being pushed upon us by big business.

I sat at our humble family table that my daddy made a long time ago, while I devoured my delicious breakfast and thought about what I had to do today.

It was a must that I take Sally for a ride. She was our ornery old mare, and she preferred a wide open pasture and a stall all to herself. But because of a bad storm, and some broken fence last winter, she's been cooped up with Quentin, our chestnut Gelding. He thought he was Black Beauty with the way he pranced about and neighed at just about everything with a tail.

Sally was not pleased about that living arrangement and I could sympathize with her. I was happy to be single, because most men were just like Quentin. Trying to sow their seeds and then just leave to go and get off with the next young mare.

After taking Sally for a ride, I realized I would need to go get an inspection sticker on my car; it was that time of the year again.

I nodded proudly to myself. I just loved my little car. It was a Toyota Prius, the hybrid version, and I was so inclined to be green that I had Elmer in town fix my little baby up with the complete electric conversion. She was a one hundred percent zero emissions car, and I couldn't be happier. Not to mention that she always managed to get me from point A to B quite safely, and I appreciated that. I did miss the look of the rusty, old, red truck Pop used to drive, but that thing probably puffed out so many pollutants that it decimated Jasper's few remaining brain cells.

After washing my dishes and putting them away, I headed back outside, only to be assaulted with the familiar growl of our beastly old Ford tractor. And of course, without even looking at it, I knew who the pilot was behind the wheel.

Jasper. And after checking, to see I was right, I saw that he was stark naked, trying to herd the sheep back into their pen.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Jasper, put on some damn pants!" I screamed, trying not to gag as he gave me a small wave and a lazy smile.

Jasper yelled back, "Communing with nature, Bells, communing with nature."

Heaven help me, this was my life.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you to MidnightLove87! Writing this story with her has been so much fun!**

**A big thank you to Sunflower3759 for amazing Beta skills and encouragement!**

**Finally, thank all of you for reading and reviewing.**

Chapter 2

I walked over to the broken fence, my blood boiling. Emmett was supposed to mend it today and I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him since before lunch. He needed to get his ass out here and help, that much was obvious, especially if he wanted to keep giving Rosita all that butter. Fucking freeloader.

I stomped toward the nearest barn and almost fell over a bale of hay. Why I was surprised, I would never know. It was Jasper. He was only wearing a pair of stretched out underwear as he bent over to muck out the pigs' stall.

"Jasper." I took a deep breath, so I wouldn't scream at him. "What are you doing?"

"Mucking out the stalls, sis." Jasper looked up at me with an innocent, clueless smile upon his face. I really think Momma dropped him on his head when he was a baby. But even if he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, he was sweet and a first-rate helper.

"That I see, but maybe I need to be more specific. Why are you only in a pair of underwear? When I said put on clothes I meant a pair of pants too." I took a quick look at the stained things and grimaced. "Those are disgusting. Throw them out!"

"But, sis, they were Daddy's. I feel closer to him, when I wear them. I haven't even washed them."

It was; he had to have been dropped on his head.

I looked at the sky, so I wouldn't gag. He was disgusting. "Where's Emmett?"

Jasper sniffed in the air. "I think Sadie has been eatin' something she shouldn't. Stinky!"

Sadie the pig snorted in what seemed to be in agreement. My brother had a Pig Whisperer mentality. Probably because he was mentally on the same level as them. He seemed to be able to talk to them just as he would a human, and they would respond. That was how we found out that Wilber had some sort of ulcer last year. The poor thing was putting our vet through the wringer trying to find out what was wrong with him, and what do you know? Jasper spent ten minutes with him in the stall, and he supposedly found out that his belly hurt. Garrett, our handsome vet, did an ultrasound and confirmed it.

I could swear Jas was one nut less of an evil genius.

And Garrett was our sexy neighbor, as well, with a chiseled jaw and dark eyes, not that I noticed often, though. I mean, I didn't need a man, especially not our neighbor. God, I couldn't even think of the possibilities of what would happen if things ended poorly. One, he lived just a hop, skip and jump from us, so making enemies would be so bad. And then, he was our vet and he never failed to give us an amazing deal on the care he provided for the animals.

_Ugh, enough reminiscing… _

"Speaking of pigs, where is Emmett?"

"He's in the field barn. He's hiding in the hay and composing some poetry or some shit to that waitress at The Red Barn Bar." Jasper just shook his head in disgust. "He sees a pair of boobs and gets stupid."

I bit my lip to hide a smile at Emmett's attempt at wooing. It was bound to happen, that one day, one of my brothers would finally meet a woman. Sure, Rosita was a buxom snake, but the woman had business savvy. And in this world, I couldn't help but admire her tenacity. If we weren't so much alike, Rosita and I might even be friends. But until hell freezes over that bitch and I weren't ever going to get along.

"Don't be mean, Jasper. Someday, you'll meet a girl." Well, as long as the girl was simple and oblivious to my brother's nutty behavior. However, it would be nice to rope in another worker for the farm. "Maybe, if you put on some actual clothing..."

"Girls are nothin' but trouble. I have my Playboys to keep me warm at night," he announced as he went back to work. I tried hard not to vomit at the thought that I now knew what those stains were on his sheets.

Shit, my brothers were really fucked up.

I marched over the field and into the field barn. I needed that fence fixed today and there was just no way I could put it off any longer. The lovely smell of the fresh hay we put in yesterday filled my nostrils and made me smile.

"Yo, Emmett," I called out. "I know your fat ass is hiding in here! Come on out now, you've got work to do!"

Emmett peeked down from his hiding place in the loft. His baby blue eyes gazed down at me and there were pieces of straw clinging to his hair. The little boy in him was definitely showing through, he looked sad. I felt bad for him.

But after a few moments, clarity came over me and I felt disgusted with myself. You couldn't run a profitable farm and be clouded by being nice. Just like Daddy had instilled in me, I needed to run a tight ship and I wasn't living up to that, yet. But I was trying like hell. Unfortunately, Emmett's pouty face made me weak every time.

"The fence is still broken," I said as nicely as I could. But he still looked like a lost puppy, and I was still his sister at the end of the day. No matter how hard Daddy used to be on him, I couldn't do it. "Do you think you could spare some time from writing haikus to do your chores?"

"What the hell is a hai..haia...hai a coo coo?" Emmett looked at me, his eyes filled with confusion.

"It's poetry, Emmett."

Emmett's face twisted in anger. "That naked shithead told you, didn't he? I'm gonna kick his ass into next Sunday!"

He scrambled down from the loft, looking like a freight train ready to charge into the next county. For a moment, I wondered if a beating might knock some sense into dear old Jasper, but I knew I had to stop him if I wanted to see any kind of progress around here today.

I sat on a barrel and shook my head at him. "I have no time to take you idiots to the hospital today. Control yourself. Hey...did you know he wears Daddy's old, dirty underwear?"

"Gross, isn't it? I think Jasper needs a woman, or maybe some kind of professional to talk to," Emmett suggested, looking down at me.

He might have towered over me in size, but I knew I could keep him on task if I offered him the right incentive.

"There's a fence to be mended, Emmett. Jasper has his own life to live and we can't play matchmaker for him. Besides that, I've been just fine and you don't see me prancing around here with someone hanging on my arm." I scowled at him. "Now, please put the words of love away and get to work!"

"Bella..." he whined at me. "Tonight, I am finally going to ask her to go to the drive-in with me! I can express my feelings in this poetry! Girls like that shit."

"I don't."

"Sometimes I highly doubt you are a girl, sister," he retorted with a smirk.

I just glared at him. I knew exactly how Emmett felt when Daddy left the business to me, but there was no other choice and he had to accept that.

"Can you at least read it and tell me what you think?" he asked, looking desperate.

I sighed, before nodding. It was the least I could do. The kid had a thing for this chick for far too long and if he finally grew the balls to tell her, then what the hell, right?

Emmett held out a dirty notebook and I began to read aloud, "There was a man from Nantucket..."

"That makes no sense, Em...we don't live in Nantucket. We couldn't afford to buy a bagel in Nantucket!" I exclaimed. This was false advertising if I ever heard it. What was he trying to sell to this Rosita woman?

"Shush, Bella! There was a man from Nantucket. Who really wanted to fuck it..." He giggled at the words he wrote.

"Whoa there, buckaroo! You want a date or a slap? Rosita is going to knock you into a coma if you read that to her! I have an idea, how about you forget about the damn poetry and grow some balls. Oh, and fix the fence!" I shouted in aggravation.

As I stomped out of the barn, I heard Emmett yell, "You need to get laid as much as Jasper. Crazy ass prude."

I huffed at his words. I did _not_need a man, let alone sex. I had myself, and my fingers were plenty good enough! Thank you very much!

I pushed my dirty baseball cap over my head to keep the hair out of my eyes. The sun was beating down and I was suffocating from the heat in the air, and my emotions. I grabbed my tools and went to the fence and started hammering. I was so spitting mad that I could barely think straight. I was probably doing more harm than good, but who did Emmett think he was? I was the only person keeping this family from losing the farm and he was saying I needed a man to ravish me into a good mood? Well, he was a moron.

The sound of a huge, good for nothing, environmental polluting, bright red, dual-wheel pickup pulled down the long drive. I was already annoyed just by the sight of it, and something told me that whoever was in it wasn't going to make those feelings change. But instead of continuing to watch, I decided to get back to the task at hand. Because unlike my brothers, I knew that shit had to get done around here.

A few minutes passed, I heard some muttered swearing before there was a gentle tap on my shoulder.

"Excuse me, kid, where's your father?"

I sighed, feeling annoyance run through me at a staggering rate.

But when I turned around, the most beautiful man was in front of me. Hair of copper and eyes as green as the fields near the brook. He was trimmed in a fancy suit, and I tried not to swoon. I felt like an idiot. Luckily, the man opened his mouth, saving me from sheer embarrassment.

"You're a girl?" He quickly contained his shock. "I'm looking for the owner of the farm, I believe it's Charles Swan," he said, reading from his notes. "Is the man of the house in?"

"Are you selling bibles or just prophesying the word of The Lord, mister? We are very happy being Methodists. You can turn around and do your bible thumping elsewhere. Bye bye now," I said dismissively, finally figuring out what he was after.

"Ma'am, this is important business about this farm. I need to speak to your husband."

I frowned at him. "Charles Swan is my father."

"Oh! Well then miss, where is your father?" the man asked. I was surprised to see his eyes light up when I corrected him, but either way I didn't miss a beat.

I pointed to the road. "Take a left to Clark Road and follow it five miles to the cemetery. He's buried by a Sycamore tree about six feet down. Probably want to speak up when you address him."

I wiped the sweat from my brow before staring at his reaction. "Shit, I'm so sorry, miss. I had no idea. The owner listed on the public records is still Mr. Swan. I apologize."

"Yeah, well, running a dairy farm takes a lot of time and I just don't have the means or the time to sit down with a lawyer and get everything changed over," I muttered.

"Hmm," he hummed looking over his file in hand. "I saw in my paperwork that there are two sons. Do you know which one I would need to speak with about the operations of the farm?" he asked sweetly. I had to hand it to him, for a city boy, he did have some manners.

"They don't."

"Who took over the farm then? There has to be an owner here somewhere."

I was losing my patience with the pretty man. He was obviously prejudiced against women. "The owner _is_here, you're right about that," I informed him with a humorless chuckle.

"Well, where is he?"

"_He_ is _me_," I said with a fake smile, jutting out my hand. "Nice to meet you, Isabella Swan, owner and operator of Swan Organic Creamery."

The man had the audacity to scoff at me, "You have got to be kidding me?"

I collected my tools and started to stomp off toward the front barn, where Jasper had been earlier.

"Get off my property, unless you want to make acquaintance with my shotgun," I shouted over my shoulder at him.

I wanted to make sure he got the point. There was no need for him to be here.

"Listen lady, I want to make an offer on this place! A lucrative offer," he yelled at me. "Stop for a second."

I paused and called back to him, "You can stick that lucrative offer up your ass."

I continued my way through the field with him hollering at me to stop. Suddenly his hollering ceased, only to be replaced with a pained sigh, and then I heard, "Oh shit, these are Italian leather."

I turned around just as he spoke, and saw his foot sink deep into a large, fresh cow pie. Oh shit, indeed. Now my chuckle was beyond real, and I ended up laughing all the way back to the main house. Looking back I could see that poor bastard still hopping around trying to scrape off the offensive material from his shoes.

Friggin' city boy.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: A great big thank you to all of you that have decided to go on this silly journey with me and MidnightLove87. We really appreciate it!**

**A big thank you to our amazing Beta, Sunflower3759!**

**Oh…I have a new story called A Sort of Fairy Tale and it's a drama! You can find it on my profile**

.Chapter 3

I stepped inside the house, relishing the cool air that hit me as soon as the door was closed. Thank goodness for geothermal cooling. Without it we would be suffering. In this economy we probably wouldn't be able to afford conventional air conditioning, and besides that, it was much greener, and I just loved helping the environment. I remember the old days when we had no form of AC, and after working long and hard on the farm, Daddy and the boys would kick back in just their boxers and have a cool glass of lemonade. As awkward as it was, I really did miss the good ol' days.

After getting a cold glass of water and washing my face, I decided it was time to go take Sally for a ride. She needed it and after that fool from the city had been here, I needed some time to myself. A nice trip through the woods was bound to clear my head and put me in a better mood.

I finished off my water and searched out my boots again, sitting down to slip them on and lace them up. Boots were wonderful when you worked on a farm, you could just kick off the caked on cow shit and wear them steady through all the seasons. And here in Vermont we definitely got all of the seasons, hot as hell in the summer and freezing cold in the winter.

Just as I had finished lacing up the first one, Jasper busted through the door looking bright and happy.

"Come in to get some pants?" I asked, grimacing at his greasy blond mop. Don't ask me how he ended up with that hair when the rest of us got Daddy's dark locks. I still wondered, to myself of course, if Momma hopped the fence for that one Mr. Dwyer at the General Store; since Jasper's coloring was very suspiciously similar to his.

"Huh?" he questioned, looking confused, before shaking his head. "No, sis, there was a real nice guy out there. A gentleman, I tell ya, and he asked me to see to it that you got your hands on this, right here," he babbled on, before shoving a manila envelope in my direction.

"Oh yeah?" I knew that jerk was preying on Jasper's lack of brain cells and I was thoroughly annoyed.

"Yeah, he was so nice. And he was really interested in all the goings on around here. He wanted to know how much we make each year, and what kind of cows we have, but I told him I had no idea and that you were the one to talk to about all that. Can you imagine someone thinking I know about those things? Maybe I should be running the farm!" he exclaimed with a smile as he reminisced on his conversation. I wanted to throttle the big mouth. "Ya know, he didn't seem too happy about that, but then he cheered up some when I introduced him to Sadie."

"Yeah, I bet he did." I gritted my teeth and tossed the packet in the garbage, before dusting off my jeans and heading toward the door. "Please stop speaking to strangers!" I added before I left, leaving Jasper standing there in his, er…I mean Daddy's, skivvies.

I reflected on the handsome, money grubbing, shyster that ruined my morning, as I rode Sally on the dirt roads of my property. I just wished for one day when everything could be done perfectly without any drama.

But it wasn't often a situation like that was a possibility for us Swans. If someone wasn't trying to swoop in and buy the place out from underneath us, there were bill collectors bugging us, or there were neighbors yapping about the smell. It was never simply a peaceful day in the country.

I spent several more minutes trying to regroup before headed back toward the stables. After riding her freely for a while I had to put her out in the pasture, she needed some fresh air. Not only that, but she and Quentin needed some time apart.

While the horses were spending some time apart, I went and got my inspection sticker on my baby. I was so proud of that little car that I beamed when my official zero emissions sticker was placed on the windshield. My brothers might mock my love of protecting the environment, but I knew that when I went to sleep at night I was doing my best to protect the Earth. Not to mention, those tax write-offs were fantastic. I really needed to look into those solar panel tax breaks. Geothermal cooling was just one small step in the right direction, being off the grid was the ultimate dream.

The rest of my day flowed like the days before. There were chores to finish, brothers to feed and bills to pay. My life was a broken record that only played the same song. But today at least I had some comic relief.

That night I went to sleep, still giggling about that city boy who came around earlier.

*AToC*

A week later I tacked Sally, gently talking to her as I did. I wanted her to know I cared for her and my frustrations with the day. Usually, it was Bessy I discussed these things with, but Sally was just as kind, when she wasn't in the barn. Quentin wore on her, my gelding desperately wanted to be a stallion, but he was past his prime on that front. I realized I talked more to the animals on the farm than to actual people. No wonder I didn't have any real friends. I frowned at the realization.

When she was done, I swung my leg up over her as I was finally ready to ride. She seemed pleased and slowly made her way out of the barn and into the field. I gave her a little heel before clicking for her to speed up. I wanted to be on the trail, and fast. There was no need for that moseying bullshit, but she was reluctant to give into me.

Now, I knew Sally was stubborn, but she was also a trained horse, she usually didn't need more than a little prodding or some sugar to keep her going. So this was unusual for her. I scowled and gave her a little break, wondering if that would help speed her up a little, but nothing doing. She wanted to walk and there was no changing her mind.

Typically my beautiful chestnut mare would cantor through the path, right over the strewn sticks and rocks at a good pace. But this time she stumbled and trudged her away along, certainly not giving me that flying feeling which normally came when I rode her. I was afraid something was amiss with my beloved horse.

I enjoyed the wind in my hair and the feel of being free. That was the best part of being on her - I always felt so free, but not this time.

I had her continue on until the path broke and we were in a large meadow, one of my favorite places to be. It was quiet and serene, but occasionally we'd get some random wolves poking around. Nothing everlasting, though, thankfully.

Once I was sure it was only the two of us, I slid off my saddle and took a look at her legs, trying to understand what could be going on. Then, as I looked it over I could clearly see what the issue was, Sally was favoring her right front leg.

"You're hurt, aren't you girl?" I whispered, lightly scratching her nose and cooing at her.  
She neighed and nuzzled my shoulder.

"Poor baby." I stroked her softly, kneeling down to touch the affected hoof. It had to be tender too, because she pulled away just as my fingers grazed her ankle. I felt terrible for pushing her when she was feeling poorly. I had to give credit when credit was due, Jasper would have known there was something wrong. He always knew. Not wanting to rile her up any more than necessary, I decided to walk her back to the pasture and call Garrett; equine problems were best left to him and his superior knowledge.

The walk back wasn't too long, and we were back at the pasture before I even realized it. I left her tacked and headed into call the good doctor.

As I passed by the barn I saw Jasper tormenting Emmett with a baby bunny. Em was screaming like a girl, running away from him, but Jasper was hot on his tail and relentless.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Jasper," Emmett yelled in a high pitched voice, like his testicles were in a vise. "It's going to bite me with its rabid, tiny, razor-sharp teeth!"

Jasper squealed, "He just wants to kiss you, Bro! He loves you!"

Oh, fuck me. I sprung forth from the same loins that those two numbskulls came out of.

And one look to the right told me the damn fence still wasn't fixed.

I grumbled to myself, but before I yelled at my foolish brothers I needed to get the vet on the phone. Sally was in pain and while I might not have much understanding for my siblings, Daddy always taught me to be good to the animals. And that was exactly the motto I was following at the moment.

I picked up the phone and dialed his number.

"Hello," a deep voice came through the phone. I held back a moan at hearing the rich timbers of his words. That man's voice made me swoon.

"Hi Garrett, it's Bella," I said, trying to remind him of who I was. Actually, I was trying to remember my own name at that moment. He made me giddy like a stupid girl most of the time. Though, that was usually when he was in front of me, staring me down with those beautiful eyes.

"What can I do you for, darling?"

I nervously giggled, then I felt the need to smack myself in the face, there was no need for that shit. "Well, Sally is favoring her front right leg and I'm terribly concerned."

That was right, I got down to business. I wasn't about to catch myself giggling around him again. I swallowed another giggle fit that was about to burst forth. Stupid hormones.

"Okay, and have you checked for any kind of debris in her shoe?" he wondered.

"Yeah, I checked quickly, I didn't want to piss her off, but either way, I saw none."

"Alright, are you going to be home in an hour?" I heard him flip pages. It was probably his day planner. I wondered if he could fit me in for a quickie. I shook my head trying to get that idea out of my brain. The man was way too tempting.

"Yep, I'll be here," I squeaked, trying not to envision him lying naked in my hay loft.

"Sounds like Ms. Sally will be needing some special attention, so I'll see you then."

"Thank you very much," I told him with sincerity, since I was sure he had other clients to deal with. Of course, my traitorous brain added that I needed some attention too.

"Not a problem, Bella, you know you can call me whenever you need me."

And with that he hung up and I felt flushed. Garrett was a sexy beast of a man, but I hated myself for feeling weak at the sight of him. It wasn't good for business and in the long run Garrett was the best vet we had ever employed.

When he arrived, exactly an hour later, I made sure I was washed up. It was just being polite, neighborly even. Truth be told, I wouldn't mind looking a little nice for the man, but the farm kept me busy and it wasn't really the place for a skirt or a dress. So like always, I was dressed in a clean pair of jeans and a fresh t-shirt.

With a knock at the door I greeted him with a smile; he returned it and added a wink. I could feel the heat on my cheeks. How embarrassing, but I chose to power through my boiling emotions.

While Garrett was investigating Sally's hoof, I was hovering, worried about her well-being and safety. It had absolutely nothing to do with his crystal blue eyes or the boyish smile he always seemed to throw me while I was peering over his shoulder.

He had his bag open and a few medical looking instruments out in front of him. His fingers were wrapped firmly around Sally's ankle and I watched as he carefully began looking her over. It was oddly seductive.

He asked question after question about her care and regular exercise. I was always impressed by his knowledge. That man would make an excellent husband. I cringed at the thought.

But just as Garrett was beginning to talk to me about her condition, Jasper came running in and interrupted us.

"Bella, Bella," he shouted. "Come here, you little piglet!"

"What do you want?" I snapped at my brother, who was at least now wearing a new pair of clean underwear. He could embarrass me like no other.

"That man is here again, sis, the one from last week. You know, the nice one," Jasper stood there rambling on.

"Huh, what?" I asked feeling very confused. I tried to remember who the hell Jas was talking about when he sighed and took me by the hand and began dragging me out the door. "Where are we going?"

"I'll be right back, Garrett," I called over my shoulder on the way out.

When we reached the front of the pasture I saw just what Jas had been babbling on about. That friggin' city boy was back, with his big, red truck and all. That horrible machine was a gas guzzler! I watched as the man leaned against the truck with a lazy smile upon his face. He was sexy, alright, but I hated him. My anger bubbled up inside of me, but I tried to keep myself in check, besides, I didn't need Garrett seeing me blow a gasket. I had a reputation to uphold around my handsome vet.

"How long has he been here?" I asked my dear brother.

"Not long," he drawled. "About twenty minutes. He wanted another tour, but I told him that I had chores to do."

"Good boy, Jas, I'll take care of this from here. Why don't you go put on some jeans and see if Garrett needs any help?" I suggested.

"But sis, you know what it does to me when Quentin and Sally start going at it," he murmured with a sigh. He was so odd.

"Garrett is here to help Sally's foot, Jas. I don't think Quentin will be having any fun for some time."

I was trying not to gag. It was disgusting, Jasper had some serious issues; one of which was when he saw Quentin trying to be a stallion and mounting Sally, he took off running for the house. I hated to even think about what he did once he was locked away in his room. He needed a woman.

"Alright, sis, I'll help him, but do I really need to go put on jeans? You know how constricting they are..."

I shook my head to myself and left him standing there. I had bigger fish to fry than my brother's affinity for not wearing pants.

I reached the driveway in record time, probably because I was storming through the grass like a bull on a rampage, but there was no stopping me.

"Ms. Swan?" the same man from last week asked.

"Yes," I nearly growled.

"I don't think we had a proper introduction last time. I just wanted to stop by and clear that up. I'm Edward Cullen, Hood Milk rep for the area." He flashed a panty melting smile that was sure to make other women swoon. I wasn't an idiot female however, I was so much better than that.

I smiled sweetly at him. I wished I could pelt that pretty face with cow patties.

"Well, Mr. Cullen, now that we know each other's names, I'm sure you can be on your way. Thank you for stopping by," I said quickly.

"Wait, Ms. Swan, I was also here to see if you've had a chance to look over that proposal I left with your brother? And I was also wondering if someone would be willing to give me a tour?"

His tender green eyes did make me stare a bit, but Edward's smile wasn't the same as Garrett's, and I wondered if he was just a smarmy, corporate asshole who didn't care about the little business folks. My guess was yes, considering how he was dressed.

But then I got an idea.

"Mr. Cullen, Swan Organic Creamery is a busy place and I don't have a lot of free time. So, as you can see, there is much to be done around here. If you want me to look at your proposal and give you a tour, you'll have to do something for me." I fluttered my eyelashes at him. I could only hope that he thought it was seductive and not that I had something in my eye.

One of his thick eyebrows rose in challenge and I crossed my arms. His smile got bigger and his eyes were a little darker, while gazing down my body.

"Are you good with your hands, Mr. Cullen?" I wondered. I licked my lips. His eyes widened. Bingo!

"Most say that I am," he replied confidently and I didn't miss the hidden innuendo there. I decided to use it to my advantage.

"Great, follow me." I lead him toward the front barn, where my piggies were housed. My hand caressed his arm slowly. Looking deeply in his eyes, I crooned, "Grab that tool box."

"Hmm..." His voice went deeper. I realized this man thought we were going to do something kinky with the tool box. What kind of pervert was he?

I instructed with a smile, "There is a fence that has needed repair for some time now, and since you want to hinder me, then you'll have to fix it. If you do, I'll take the time to look over your proposal and give you the tour you want. If not, feel free to leave and never come back again."

This was the best plan I'd thought of in a long time.

It was a win-win situation. Either I got my fence fixed or I never had to see this handsome fool again.

"Okay, Ms. Swan, deal." He grabbed the tool box, and I looked at him in shock.

"It's over here, right?" he asked, stepping outside again.

"Yeah," I replied, slowly, not really believing that the city boy who showed up in Italian loafers was really going to go fix my fence.

But as I stood there and watched, I was witness to it. Edward, as he said his name was, walked all the way to the far side of the land and proceeded to take off his suit coat, not before throwing me a wink. He rolled up his sleeves and began digging in, getting down to work. "It's pretty hot, right?"

My mouth dropped open at his little comment at his physique, and made me think dirty thoughts that both repulsed me and turned me on. I sighed and left him there to work, because honestly, if I continued to watch pretty boy swing that hammer, I was going to go insane. I needed to check on Garrett and see what Sally's prognosis was anyway.

After my walk, I found Jasper and Garrett still in the field barn.

"Hey guys, how's it going?"

"Good Bella, I think I've gotten it all straightened out," Garrett told me in his warm voice.

"Yeah?"

"Yep, the little lady here just has a sprain; she's going to need some time to recover and a brace."

I felt relief flow over me. At least I wasn't going to have to put her down. That would've killed my mood for the rest of the year, surely. Sally and I were close; and in my opinion, one in the same. We didn't need men in our lives. Sure, on occasion, she would have Quentin going at her, but she kicked like hell when he tried.

I'd had my own version of a Quentin before, a while back when I'd just graduated from high school, now, though, I was smarter, I knew I didn't need that foolishness. Jacob pulled a number on me and I was afraid of opening myself up again to the pain.

"Thank you so much," I told Garrett, after hugging my beautiful equine. I wondered briefly if this kind man would be worth a try.

"You're welcome, Bella. It was all in a day's work," he murmured as he packed up his supplies. His smile was warm and made me want to hug him.

I walked, silently with him out to his car, it wasn't terribly far, and I ignored the pretty city boy as we passed by.

"I'll see you around," I said softly, when we reached his car.

"Yes, you will, Bella," he told me. Before getting in and taking off down the road he shocked me with the hug I was craving. I stood in shock at the warmth that filled me. Garrett flashed me a smile and took off.

One look to the right, at the huge, red, dual-wheeled truck, told me I needed to go check on our visitor. I walked over there, still smelling Garrett's rustic oak and cherry smell on my shirt. I wanted to sniff myself.

If I wasn't confused enough; there, next to my fence, stood a sweaty, tanned, and essentially sexy piece of human, man meat. Edward had shed his white button-up shirt. He was now in just an undershirt that was damp and slightly dirty.

"What do you think?" I heard his sexy voice rumble as his back was still turned to me.

"It looks like you fixed my fence," I answered, looking at his handy-work. And it was true, the broken pieces had all been repaired, the wire was tied back in, and it looked strong.

"I did, and now I do believe, Ms. Swan, you owe a tour and a few minutes of your time," he said with a sly smile.

I rolled my eyes and nodded. These men were going to be the death of me.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Here is your next installment of our silly adventure. MidnightLove 87 calls it Threesomes Are Awesome. I wouldn't know, but it sounds fabulous.**

**By the way, I adore MidnightLove87, that's a fact. Working on this chapter with her has been so much fun. You know who else is fantastic…Midnight Cougar.**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 4

I laid there basking in the glory of being worshipped by two beautiful men at once. Oddly enough, I was unconcerned by my nude body. Normally, I wore a full coverage flannel nightgown to bed, you know, the kind that would typically be worn by my grandmother in the dead of winter. It gets bitterly cold here at night in my…I mean her defense. This night was the exception to the rule. I definitely didn't need flannel. Lips and hands were everywhere. My breath was already coming out in pants. There was no way I could say no. I needed this. I needed them.

Garrett was behind me, kissing my neck, smoothing his hands down my bare back and setting my nerves on a live wire. Edward was manning the front. His tongue was swirling in my mouth, swallowing my moans. It was delightful for two reasons. His mouth tasted delicious and he wasn't using it to say stupid things. One hand was touching my breast, squeezing and plucking at my nipple, while the other was delving between my thighs. My body was responding joyfully, but my mind wanted to run and hide in the chicken coop. I ignored it. Who needs rational thought? Not me!

Two men at once. Holy hell. _Gulp. _

Shit, this was going to be good. Messy but good. Damn, I would have to do an extra load of wash. But it would be well worth it, just one turn of my head told me that much.

I breathed out a sigh just as Garrett was rolling on a condom. I could feel his hard cock bobbing, while the sticky lube from the rubber drew lines all over my back.

Glee welled up inside of me. I was going to come. There was no doubt. These two would make me see stars. I was finally going to get that release I so desperately desired.

My hand caressed Edward's stiff, smooth cock. The size was daunting; he was so much bigger than Garrett. He actually reminded me quite a bit of Quentin. I had to force myself to stop thinking about that damn horse. Luckily, a deep groan from Edward distracted me from my odd thoughts and told me that he liked what my hand was doing. I stared down at his impressive package and stroked it again. It felt heavy, thick and glorious.

His lips pulled up into the sexiest smirk I'd ever seen and I knew his cock was going to feel good once it was lodged inside me. At least I hoped it would. It'd been a long time since I'd been with a man.

And I'd never had two men at once, certainly not even one close to as big as these two were sporting, but I was willing. I wanted this so damn much. Needed was more like it.

Garrett worked me over, spreading my cheeks and pressing into my puckered hole. This was when I began to freak out. _What...I...whoa there, Nelly_... His lubed fingers slid in easily, making pleasure jolt through me at the intrusion. I squeaked.

"It's all right, sweetheart. Just breathe through it," he whispered in my ear. It was sexy. It was romantic. It was the same thing he whispered to the cows when birthing the calves.

Of course, I would've never pegged him for an anal sort of man. Though...that would explain so many things.

Edward's long, deft fingers performed a similar task as they probed deliciously in my pussy. Both of them were preparing me. They were getting me ready. They wanted to take me. Keep me as theirs and when we finally took that step I would be theirs…completely.

Garrett's strong arms lifted me into place. I was on top of him. Reverse cowgirl. The last time I was in this position I was on a horse. This sure as hell wasn't The Culver County Rodeo!

Edward helped line us up, before Garrett finally pushed in. And I slowly sank down onto his amazing cock.

Garrett's breath stopped. His heart thumped a steady beat underneath me. We were connected so much that I could feel him pulsing deep within me. The waves of energy darting from all of us were warming me thoroughly. It was then that I realized nothing felt off about this. It was all right.

It was hard to breathe. Hard to think all of this was real and actually happening. Pleasure was flooding my body at an alarming rate. I was trying to remember how we ended up here. That what started as showing Edward around the farm, while mocking him, turned into this sex-fest in a hayloft.

My mind, through the clouds of passion, thought back to the events that led to this. Edward was making light of my management abilities in egg production, and I was calling him a pansy boy, when we started kissing passionately in the barn. Garrett forgot something, only to come back and catch Edward and me mid-act. He immediately dropped what he had forgotten and joined in.

I was jolted out of my reminiscing when Garrett moved his hips hesitantly.

"That's it man, keep going, farm girl loves it," Edward told him. Why, oh why, must he open that pretty mouth and avoid doing something useful?

My eyes blinked open only to catch a glimpse of Edward rolling on a condom. This was it. I was about to get my wish.

He kissed me reverently and sweetly before whispering some even sweeter words; I would've never pegged him for a romantic. That was breathtaking and wonderfully unexpected, making the whole act even more intimate. Then he covered my body, his hand slipping between us, fingers sliding into my sopping wet center one last time before he plunged his hard as steel dick inside me.

"Fuck," I screeched, feeling so full. Feeling so worshiped and all the pleasure that went along with this passionate act.

I was already on the edge just from their foreplay. Now, I was teetering. I only needed a little bit more. But when Edward looked up, gazing into my eyes with that devilish smirk, I knew I wouldn't be getting just a little bit more.

It would be a lot.

He rolled his hips, making sure I was comfortable. Garrett moved his, keeping time with  
Edward. In and out. In and out. And fuck the coil wound tighter. My mind felt like it was going to explode. There was nothing I could do. I was just along for the _rides_.

And then they both slid in, to the hilt; that was what set me off. Spiraling into the most intensely gratifying orgasm I'd ever experienced in my entire life.

My heart thumped, my mind clouded, my body buzzed.

It was incredible, unbelievable, and absolutely amazing.

Then just as I was coming down, preparing for mind-blowing-ness number two, I was being pulled away from the comfort of Garrett's rock hard abs and Edward's deep green eyes. Because, I was tossed off like a rag doll. That's when Edward and Garrett started kissing with gusto.

They slid out of me and began playing pork swords.

I stared in shock as the lip locked men became smoky, almost as if they were disappearing.

"No, no, no," I shouted, trying to reach out and grab both of them but they had drifted too far away. "I need another orgasm, damn it!"

And then that awful sound assaulted my ears.

Ring...Buzz Buzz...Ring...

_What the hell?_

I sat up, trying to clear the fog from my brain.

_What the fuck was going on?_

Ring...Buzz Buzz...Ring...

It was my cockblocking phone. I quickly reached for it, feeling like I had just been robbed. It'd all been just a dream!

Damn it.

"Hello," I whispered groggily.

"B?" A very familiar voice asked quietly.

"Yes Em?"

"Hey, um, I was wondering if you could come get me?"

I groaned, knowing the speech about being a responsible adult wasn't really worth it.

"Why do I need to come get you? You have two legs. Can't you walk?"

"Well, see that's the thing...I sorta got arrested."

"Fuck," I muttered. "Yeah, I'm on my way."

I hurriedly changed my panties, dashing around, trying to leave quickly. I shook my head as I thought about my dream, it was the best sex of my life until the end and sadly, it was all fictitious. _Worst reality ever._

I arrived down at the local police station a few minutes later. We lived in a small town; it was a place where everyone knew everyone. And of course that meant that whatever Emmett's infraction was, the entire town was bound to know about it too.

"Hi Timmy," I said to the Sheriff as I rounded the corner and approached his desk.

"Well, hey there, Bells," he greeted me as he chewed a wad of tobacco. "Did ya hear the football team is planning a car wash next Saturday?"

"Is Em here?" I enquired, ignoring his small talk, wanting to cut to the chase.

"Oh yeah, he's in the back. But I can't let him go yet," he told me, straightening his stance. "That boy needs to cool off in the clink for a while."

I gave him an annoyed look. "And why's that?"

"Because Bells, he got pulled in for indecent exposure. That's lewd conduct for you laymen."

"The fuck?"

_What could he possibly have been doing?_

"He and Ms. Hale were knocking boots in the back of her car on Main Street. You know Main Street Bells, there's kids that could'a seen."

He shook his head looking very disappointed.

"Shit," I muttered.

"Yeah, it was a terrifying sight. My deputy started crying."

"I bet. Anyway, can I talk to the big oaf?"

"Sure, he's right back there, cell three. And our little wild thing is in four." He waved at a large door.

"Got it," I said as I moved further back toward the holding cells.

Timmy was right. I walked down through the hall and there was Em, slouched over, weeping into his hands with no pants on. And in the next cell over was a scantily clad Rosita. She looked pissed, put out and her makeup was smeared. This was bad. So bad. In fact, other than that Em woke me from what had to be the best dream I'd had in a long time, I didn't think this day...erm...night could get worse.

"Emmett Dale Swan, what on Earth did you think you were doing, getting me up to come down here and bail your ass out of jail?" I asked as sternly as I could. "Sweet baby Jesus, boy! Where's your pants?"

"My Spanish Rose ripped them." His head snapped up and those crystal blue eyes looked at me. He was a lost puppy looking for a bone.

I look down at his bare legs and Boston Red Socks boxers that were about two sizes too small. "I think a rip would be better than your lower half being practically bare."

"She shredded them."

"Oh." Of course, she did. "Listen up, Em..."

Emmett's tears came streaming down his face. "I'm sorry sis, I didn't know who else to call."

I huffed out a breath, making it clear I was annoyed. "Listen, Timmy says you can't go yet, so I'm gonna leave the cash with him and head back home. We'll talk about everything when you get there. I love you, big brother, but you can walk that fat ass back to the farm."

"Wait, sis?"

"Yeah?"

"Um, would you mind...um Rosie, she doesn't have enough to get herself out and it's my fault she's in here and all," he told me, rubbing his neck, looking at the floor.

I rolled my eyes, feeling more and more anger surface. I was going to kill him!

"Fine," I screeched, stomping off back to where Timmy was still at his desk. "How much will it cost for me to spring the idiot and the harlot?"

Timmy scratched his head. "What's a har-lot?"

"It's a name for the bar wench that destroyed my brother's pants."

His eyes lit up in recognition. "Seems that bail will be two-eighty a piece."

"Goddamn it! Fine. Here." I handed him a wad of cash that had been stored beneath my floorboard in my bedroom. There was no better place for it. Those banks were nothing but lying, thieving, energy wasting, shit holes. And my 10 gauge was as much security as I needed. "There goes my rainy day fund."

I just wanted to get home to the comfort of my bed. I missed it and my dream. I wanted it back, needed it really. That orgasm earlier was the first in a long time. And by the way it made me feel, I needed more. Maybe even real ones provided by a red-blooded, callous-handed man.

That was my plan anyway, until I walked out into the bright sunrise and looked over to the bar across the street that Rosita worked at. It was only nine in the morning, but it was already open. I had heard they decided to serve actual meals, but I never usually ventured into town this early in the morning due to chores on the farm. Today, however, I was after a liquid breakfast.

I stomped into the building with its wood panels and wagon wheels on the wall. The theme was the Wild West in Vermont. That didn't bother me so much because a good number of businesses in the area had a nautical theme. I always thought those places made even less sense due to the fact that the Cape was a four and a half hour drive away.

I plopped my body down on a worn stool. Its green, plastic covering ripped and covered in  
indiscriminate stains. But, it didn't bother me none, I lived with Jasper.

"Bella Swan, girl, whatcha doin' in here so early?" Crusty-old Pete the owner questioned with a grin.

"Emmett."

He hooted. "I heard about that! Big Ro is a saucy thing, ain't she? That boy has got himself in love with trouble!"

I hit the counter. "Whiskey, Pete!"

"Bella, don't ya think it's a bit early? I can make ya some scrambled eggs and sausage."

I gave him the evil eye. "Pete, I live with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. I have the 'man' sniffing at my farm to add it to some corporate cow dynasty. My hair hasn't looked normal since my mother did it up pretty on my sixth Christmas. Do you really think I want scrambled eggs and sausage?"

Actually, I did want some sausage...of the man meat variety.

"Whiskey, it is!" Pete exclaimed with a nervous gulp.

His gray whiskers bobbed as he swallowed; looking as though he was trying to find the right words to comfort me. But I knew full well that wasn't going to happen. Let's be honest, there were no words to help my situation. Like Daddy used to say, _you make your own destiny_, and I was simply going to have to strap on my shit-kicking boots when I got home.

While I sat waiting for my beverage, I thought about the previous day. Edward had finished that fence. He'd done a great job, making the front pasture in good working order again. I hated to admit that, but it was true. It was something that really needed to be done and my lazy brothers would have never gotten around to it. Feeling altruistic, I took a good hour and showed him all around the farm. He was a sweaty, sexy man by then and my lady parts were tingling just from looking at him. If he would've just stood around and looked pretty, all would have been well. But there was no way that man could shut up. I had to listen about profit dividends and how to maximize milk production.

It was horrible. I couldn't stand the guy, but that dream was a perfect example of how my libido didn't line up with my superior brain. Garrett was an understandable choice. He was sweet and kind, brilliant to boot. We had the same philosophy of animal rearing. We would fit, so perfectly. That was why my wanting to mount Edward the jerk was not rational in the least. I needed a distraction. I needed a plan. I needed to grow some balls and be brave. I was going to ask Garrett out on a date.

"Here you go, Bella." Pete plopped the glass of whiskey in front of me.

A small framed woman sat next to me. "I'll take one of those, too. Goddamn, motherfucking cramps... I am not talking to you, Newton! I need you to fax those... Damn it, man! Get on the computer and find some place to send it to in this hole in the wall! Do you know where I can find a CVS or Rite Aid to get some damn tampons in this town that time has forgotten? Do you?"

I turned to see her pinched face staring at me. Her dark hair was slicked into a severe, short hair style, something rare in this town. The charcoal suit she wore was most certainly worth more than my entire wardrobe. There was one of those Bluetooth gadgets stuck into her ear. She was bound to be one of the scariest things that I had ever met.

"Are you talking to me?" I inquired, looking her up and down.

"No, I'm talking to the creepy moose head stuck on that wall." She pointed at the head with a distasteful sneer. "Of course, I am talking to you."

I sneered back. "There's a General Store down the street. If you can lower yourself to going into such a backwoods dump I am sure you can find what you need there. Now if that isn't what you need then you can take those obviously painful heels back to where you came from."

"I like you." She gave me a genuine smile, which turned to a frown. "Not you, Newton! I think you're a little slug! Get back to work!"

"Are you finished with that thing?"

"Yes! This is why I'm drinking so early this morning. I thought I had that idiot trained to do my bidding, but I leave the city and everything goes to shit!" The woman complained as Pete set down her drink and she gave him a dismissive wave. "I'm Alice."

"Bella." I shook her proffered hand. "I deal with idiots, too."

"You have to keep them in line. Stay on top of them every minute, figuratively and literally. I'm controlling, demanding and refuse to take prisoners. I love molding men to my requirements, but Newton is too clingy. He was a perfect assistant until I took him as my lover. I need someone new to train."

"You're sleeping with the man?" I was in shock. Was I talking to a Dominatrix?

She gave me a grin. "Of course. I have no time to date. I also have particular activities I like to perform. I need someone who can not only be taught, but open enough to not ask questions."

A horrible, terrible idea formed into my head. I blamed Edward Cullen for making me into a warped woman. "Can you make someone more productive? If I had the perfect specimen for your techniques, could you help me?"

"Of course, who do you have in mind?" Her eyes lit up at the suggestion.

I was going to hell for throwing Jasper at this tiny beast. However, if it made him get his chores done and quite possibly make him happy it was worth the risk.

He'd been in such a funk since Daddy passed that he deserved some kind of joy in his life and my brother was into odd things, so he would probably thank me for this. I could only hope.

"Come to my farm this afternoon. I have someone I want you to—" I began to say as long, strong fingers gripped my shoulder.

"Why fancy meeting you here, Isabella Swan," Edward purred. He was wearing a snug, Dartmouth tee shirt and perfectly fitting jeans. I felt immediately wet and hated myself for it. "You've met my business partner, Alice?"

Oh fuck me.

_No way, no how. This asshole was not in business with her..._

"Oh Edward, this is the girl you want to—" Alice began, but was cut off by Edward's deep growl, soaking my undergarments even further.

Alice didn't even flinch, not showing the slightest bit of fear, she laughed. "She and I are going to be good friends."

I was about to end that potential friendship right there and then, but an idea hit me like a sledgehammer. I needed Alice on my side and for her to be smitten with Jasper.

Edward was likely to fail, even with his good looks and somewhat decent charm. But if Alice made good with Jasper, I could get him off my back by claiming his associate was doing a fine job by herself.

"Alice is coming to the farm today. No reason for you to show up. You aren't needed," I stated as my aching body rejected this statement. It needed him badly. I guess on some fucked up level, I actually wanted him there.

"Oh, I'll be there." He winked. "I was concerned with your milking techniques, you know, for the safety of everyone involved and all."

"I know how to milk a damn cow!" My temper flared.

He licked his lips. "I wasn't talking about the cows, Isabella."

Alice snorted.

"Goodbye, Edward. Alice, I will see you later." I grabbed my drink and in a move that would make generations of Swans proud I drank that whiskey down in one large swallow and marched out the door.

I headed to straight to Garrett's veterinary office. I would milk something all right. That something would be in the form of a handsome veterinarian and his fine cock.

To hell with the corporate asshole, he could go milk himself.


End file.
